You may have wondered what other couples argue about. And if you reflect on your own arguments, you may have wondered how your arguments relate to how other couples argue and whether couples therapy might be helpful.
First, let’s recognize that disagreements among couples is normal, but that conflict can be distressing and that there are more and less constructive means of addressing, managing and hopefully resolving conflicts.
Studies on why couples argue
In a relatively recent study (Meyer & Sledge, 2022), researchers explored what couples argue about and the level of disfunction these topics tend to reach. That study involved 1,013 participants, with 854 identifying as heterosexual, 742 had a bachelor’s degree or greater education, and with an average age of 37.6 years (but a range of 18-80 years old). Moreover, 652 of the study’s participants had kids and 723 were either married or in a civil union.
In this study, participants had to choose and rank the five main conflictual topics as a couple from a larger topic list of 20 potential topics provided by the researchers.
And the number one conflict topic out of 20? Communications with 50% selection (rounded to the nearest whole number)! However, Parenting was at 34% for the entire study, but a higher 52% for subjects who were parents (perhaps not surprisingly).
Personal or Partner Habits came in at 43%; Household Chores at 42%; and Finances landed at 40%.
This might surprise you: Sex came in at 32%, slightly below Quality Time Together (33%), and only slightly above Screen Time, which scored 31%, and came in at number 9 out of the 20 topics. Note that the researchers posited that “Screen time may also be related to communication as many individuals pair time on a smartphone as a screen time concern. Thus, it could be that partners are wanting more face-to- face interaction and direct in-person communication” (p. 316).
The following additional findings from the study might also be of interest to you:
- “Couples who fight over parenting, sex, and finances reported lower relationship satisfaction” (p. 317)
- “Certain topics (communication, finances, parenting, and sex) were linked to an increase in dysfunctional conflict patterns, whereas when couples fight about time management, they are less likely to engage in dysfunctional conflict behaviors” (p. 317).
If this resonates with you, I invite you to book an appointment or call 647-220-4709 / email matthewpittspsy@protonmail.com
References
Meyer, D., & Sledge, R. (2022). The relationship between conflict topics and romantic relationship dynamics. Journal of Family Issues, 43(2), 306–323. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X21993856
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